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Passion Wagon

    by Colin Barrow



Comedy Play Script: 'Passion Wagon' by Colin BarrowA comedy that revolves around the time-old-classic of a mother-in-law (Florrie) versus a daughter-in-law (Stella). It's a tale of of tension, disapproval and disaster. The set is rather unusual, being the inside of a small touring caravan. The cramped space creates resentment and acrimony between the two women, with poor Brian (Stella's husband) caught slap bang in the middle.

Stella has agreed with Brian to take their daughter, Amy, and his mother, Florrie, on a two-week family holiday. It's the eleventh day and, as yet, they've been unable to get away from each other for any length of time thanks to some appallingly bad weather. Florrie thinks Stella is sex mad and is taking great delight in telling her so, whilst at the same time painting herself as a bastion of good taste and modesty. Brian tries to melt into the background and finds solace in the newspaper.

As the day unfurls, the cutting remarks and annoying situations can't stop romance creeping into the family from all angles: Amy takes a shine to the site owners son, Tony, a goth, which horrifies both her parents and Florrie; Sam, the site owner is maybe being a bit too attentive towards Florrie, and Brian and Stella just want a bit of time alone, for 'recreational' purposes.

The caravan needs a bit of maintenance, as first the foot pump that provides water to the kitchen sink decides to throw a wobbly, and then the catch on the toilet door gets jammed with Florrie inside, much to her annoyance. Getting her out takes some time so Florrie has a cup of tea passed in to her through the window, but regrettably it's too hot and she spills it just as the door is opened, to reveal her rather the worse for wear and with a number of wardrobe malfunctions!

Florrie's other son Stan arrives unexpectedly with his latest wife, Paula, calling in to see the family after their whirlwind marriage. Florrie is shocked to learn that Paula is a pole dancer, and once she knows that her sarcasm gun swivels away from Stella towards Paula. Stan's previous wives have been easy for Florrie to manipulate, but Paula turns out to be made of sterner stuff, and Stella (at last!) finds an ally.

With Florrie out at the Clubhouse bar with Sam, Stella and Brian, and Stan and Paula cement their relationship with a few bottles of Brian's home-made wine, but Florrie returns early, so the two brothers and their wives decide to carry on their chat at the Clubhouse, leaving the way clear for Sam to sneak past them.

The play twists and turns especially near it's end, and finally, when the entire family find Florrie, and Sam in bed together after all her biting and contradictory remarks and distaste about people jumping into bed at a flick of a switch, it's payback time for Stella. Florrie hands her more ammunition when she says that she's going to marry Sam. "You're a gold-digging hypocrite who's marrying a campsite owner for a few thousand pounds..." says Stella. Florrie has the last laugh though, as she reveals that actually Sam has sold the site, not for a few thousand, but for a few million and that she's looking forward to spending, Sam, and... sex!


Characters

(4m, 4f)

  Flo Watts : the matriarch of the family
  Brian Watts: Flo’s son
  Stella Watts : Brian’s wife of many years
  Amy Watts : the daughter of Brian and Stella
  Stanley Watts : Flo’s other son
  Paula Watts : Stan’s brand new pole dancer wife
  Sam Richardson : camp site owner
  Tony Richardson : Sam's son


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