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(not quite) The Three Musketeers

    by Nigel Currie


Pantomime Script: '(not quite) The Three Musketeers' by Nigel Currie

Close to Paris, The Queen of the Kingdom of Malodeurs is facing a crisis. The evil Baron Garlicbreath has ambitions to be a business magnate and needs more workers to work for him at his Chateau.

He has been capturing children from the village and from the Queen’s Castle and has been treating them like slaves and keeping them locked up. He is threatening to take over the Queen’s Castle and the Kingdom of Malodeurs. The Queen advertises for some guards to help protect her Kingdom but her advert is answered by the Three Musketeers, who aren’t quite what they seem.

Aramis, Athos and Porthos are in fact three cooks from the English army who can’t fight at all.

The Queen and her beautiful daughter, Princess Chantelle have their suspicions, so the Queen calls her old friend D’Artagnan, one of the best swordsmen in France who soon discovers exactly who the Three Musketeers really are. They, along with the Princess, are confined to the castle but tricked by the Baron and his two evil henchmen David and Vincent, they leave the safety of the castle to enter a cookery competition at the local pub which gives the Baron the opportunity to capture the Princess.

Pantomime: '(not quite) The Three Musketeers'The Queen and D’Artagnan are distraught that the Baron has captured the beautiful Princess and they devise a plan to rescue her and the children from the Baron’s Chateau.

But it’s Basil, the Kingdom’s magic Pigeon who comes to the rescue with a little help from some sleeping pills! D’Artagnan, the Queen and the Three Musketeers get into the Chateau just in time to free the prisoners and capture the evil Baron and his men.

So, the Baron and his henchmen get their comeuppance, D’Artagnan gets his girl, the Queen gets to keep her Kingdom, and as for the Three Musketeers… well, they just about get away with it!


5m, 2f, 7m/f plus chorus, dancers etc

Principals (5m, 1f, 4m/f)

  • Queen Stacey - the dame
  • Princess Chantelle (f)
  • D’Artagnan (m/f)
  • Aramis (m/f)
  • Athos (m/f)
  • Porthos (m/f)
  • Baron Garlicbreath - (m)
  • David (pronounced Daavid) / Dave - (m)
  • Vincent / Vinnie - (m)
  • MC/Stage Manager - (m)

Support (1f, 3m/f)

  • The Story Teller/Female Announcer - (unseen voice, f)
  • Raymond - (non-speaking, m/f)
  • Marco - (non-speaking, m/f)
  • Basil, the Magic Pigeon - (A puppet which is hand operated and which has to be able to flap its wings. A m/f puppeteer is required to operate Basil)

Plus a Chorus of French peasants etc who provide cameo parts of: Barmaid, 1st Mother, 2nd Mother, Chloe (The Queen’s secretary), Michelle (her sister), Juliette, Sofia, Geneviève and Camille.

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