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Whose Crime Is It Anyway?

by Jenny-Alice Thompson


       

Synopsis

Comedic Drama Play Script: 'Whose Crime Is It Anyway?' by Jenny-Alice ThompsonDracula arrives at his former home, Whitby Abbey, as a guest at a dinner party. Also in attendance are Frankenstein's Monster, Fagin, Nancy, Elizabeth Bennett and Miss Havisham. None of the guests know who  has invited them or why they are gathered. Intriguingly almost all of them seem to know the maid, the saucy Ivana.  Moran, the butler, reveals that  they have been gathered together in an attempt to stop the schemes of Professor Moriarty, who has been blackmailing them all. It is also revealed that the cook, Wanda, was formerly in Dracula's fiancee's employ and despises the count for firing her. Moriarty, halts Wanda's attempts to poison Dracula and invites them all into the study to discuss why their business.

In the study, Moriarty reveals that it was in fact Moran who sent out the invitations. Moriarty expresses his displeasure that they have discovered his identity. However, now that they are all gathered he will allow them one chance to end his vile schemes. He provides them with weapons and challenges them to kill him when the lights are turned out. Moriarty goads them, insisting that they are all too cowardly to attempt murder. The lights are turned off and a slap, a scream and a gunshot is heard. When the lights come back up again, it is revealed that Dracula has been slapped by Frankenstein, whom he mistook for Nancy in the dark, there is a bullet hole in a piece of conveniently placed scenery and Moriarty has apparently been staked. The guests automatically blame each other before Moran draws attention to the impending arrival of the police and the corpse on the floor. They hand the weapons to the only person who wasn't present at the time of the murder, Ivana, and split up to find the front door key. Once they have left, Moriarty gets back to his feet and exists. Shortly afterwards, Wanda rushes in screaming and collapses on the floor with a knife in her back.

Moran and the guests re-enter to discover Wanda dead on the floor, Miss Havisham blames Ivana much to Frankenstein’s distress. Moran explains that Ivana is also most likely dead and he Dracula and Elizabeth discover Ivana’s apparently lifeless body in the hall next to a very definitely dead Moriarty. Moran proclaims that he can solve the murders revealing that it was Fagin who fired the gunshot, Nancy who staked Moriarty, Miss Havisham who killed Moriarty and Dracula who killed Wanda (her cooking was just that bad). It is also revealed that Frankenstein’s monster had accidentally strangled Ivana when he was kissing her. Fortunately, it is revealed that she had just fainted and they are reunited. Moran is revealed to be Sherlock Holmes, doing freelance work for the Fictional Investigation Bureau, under the order of Elizabeth Bennett, head of F.I.B. Miss Havisham and Count Dracula are arrested by Inspector Lestrade, Nancy is taken into protective custody and Fagin is allowed to walk free... at least for the time being.


Duration

45 mins approx

Characters

(7m, 6f)
  Moran: (m) a secretive and authoritative Butler
  Dracula: (m) now fallen on hard times, forced to sell his ancestral home, flamboyant, charismatic and intelligent
  Frankenstein: (m) not be the sharpest tool but not heartless, adorable, misguided, needs acceptance
  Fagin (m) the sly and extremely materialistic leader of a gang of underage criminals
  Nancy: (f) cockney accent, passionate, kind-hearted, spirited, the original tart with a heart
  Elizabeth: (f) Elizabeth Bennett is Jane Austen’s classic heroine, witty and vivacious
  Miss Havisham: (f) psychotic, obsessive, jilted at the altar, cruel, judgmental and bitter
  Ivana: (f) Professor Moriarty’s maid, a saucy character, wears impractical outfits for cleaning
  Moriarty: (m) smooth talking, intelligent, arrogant and manipulative, a criminal genius
  Lestrade: (m) dedicated, professional, but always slightly one step behind the crime geniuses
  Wanda: (f) a disgruntled cook, her cooking is foul and her murder, even more so
  Watson: (m) a loyal and dependable friend to Sherlock Holmes
  Lucy: (f) Dracula’s betrayed fiancée, her appearance is brief but painful
 
  NOTE:
   Moriarty, Lestrade and Watson can be played by the same actor
   Wanda and Lucy can be played by the same actress

       

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