Synopsis

‘SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW’
Ageing and fading pop star Jet Rush checks in to the Bridal Suite with Pat, his new wife. She may be a new wife, but she’s been his PA for over fifteen years, organising his life, touring with him and extricating him from the numerous problems caused by the excesses of his rock ‘n roll lifestyle. The marriage is, for him, a sham, another publicity stunt in an attempt to re-invigorate his flagging career. Pat though, has loved him since the moment they met, but has never seen the love returned. That’s not to say he doesn’t care for her; he just doesn’t realise that they’ve grown together as a couple. With Francis the hotel porter used as an unwitting pawn in keeping the press at bay outside, Pat forces Jet to come to terms with the fact that although he’s a washed-up, middle-aged nobody with poor health, she will stick with him, come what may. Facing facts doesn’t come easily to Jet, but when he begins to realise that his hell-raising days are over, coupled with Pat’s true feelings for him being spelled out when he surreptitiously reads some pages from her private diary, Jet quietly let’s his rock star image slip away to become plain old Harry Briggs. His concern that Pat will desert him now is quickly dissipated – her love shines through to him, despite it all. Love has kept them together; a self-centred man is drawn towards marrying his long-time companion by the prospect of old age and loneliness.

‘SOMETHING BORROWED’
Sam King has a barrow-boy’ view on life, runs a whelk stall in Southend and thinks that he isn’t short of a bob or two. In reality, the business is badly run and virtually everything he owns is borrowed. Gaynor, his new wife is a no-nonsense lass from the North of England, who is careful with her money. They met through a dating agency, are slightly mis-matched, and arrive at the hotel having only known each other for just six short weeks. They both have a good deal more to learn about the other, but Sam goes about this the wrong way when tries to really impress her by placing a huge bet on a horse, which falls in the race and has to be put down. When he tells Gaynor that the bet has wiped out his business, she is not only upset by his cavalier attitude to money but quickly becomes annoyed when he suggests that he might borrow money from a friend to bale them out. She soon vetoes his suggestion that he earns a few pounds to pay the hotel bill by performing his stand-up comedian routine for the other hotel guests, after he gives her a preview of his style and repertoire. She is a proud and strong-willed woman, and realising now that the man she has married is not as strong as her, she resolves that no shame or denigration should fall on either of them, given their newly acquired destitution. Sam is all for being brazen with the hotel and trying to get round the problem, but Gaynor, taking command of him and his life, tells him they’re going to be honest and open with the hotel, and throw themselves on their mercy. Luck has thrown them together in marriage; a vain and foolish man is fortunate to find a strong and sensible wife.

‘SOMETHING BLUE’
Paula is a married lady in her mid-40’s with grown-up children who works part-time in a large corporate office. Enrico is her manager and despite her view that others in the office would make better company for him, he has persuaded her to go away with him for a dirty weekend. Now she’s actually there, she becomes nervous and annoys him when she says she can only stay for one night. The smooth-talking Lothario that is ever-present in Enrico soon tries to overcome her doubts and fears, but his patter seems to have the opposite effect on her – she becomes more convinced she is doing the wrong thing. Still convinced that she will be his latest conquest, Enrico lays on the bed to be ‘playfully’ tied to it, hands and feet. Then the truth emerges – she has found out that she is the last of the office girls to have visited the honeymoon suite with him and now they all want their revenge. Unable to make his escape, she tells him that only by providing some large bonuses for her and all of his previous office paramours can he be sure of their silence on the matter. Planning has brought them together; a strutting peacock is silenced by the wrath of women scorned.

Francis, the genial, Irish hotel porter passes through all three plays with his homespun philosophy and his 'see nothing', 'get you anything' attitiude to his valued guests. He's seen it all before, nothing surprises him. The same though cannot be said of his guests, because they each find out something surprising about their partner.

Duration

Characters