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Let's Be 'Avin' You!

    by Geoff Buckingham


Comedy Play Script: 'Lets Be 'Avin' You' by Geoff Buckingham

When the hapless Sergeant Pickles and Constable Cackett realise that Botchington Police Station is under threat of closure by the ruthless Chief Inspector Allcock, the future looks bleak, particularly when they learn that the country's most notorious criminal gang have moved onto their patch. However, they vow to fight this crime wave, and to keep the police station open.

They stumble and bumble their way through a hilarious plot to catch the criminal gang and eventually succeed, with the help of the spinsters of Botchington Ladies Knitting Circle! Their joy is heightened by the discovery that the Chief Inspector's Viagra prescription has been inadvertently swapped with Nytol tablets, resulting in his demotion and their promotion.

We also discover that the Chief Inspector's new girlfriend is not what she seems. The play finishes with the police staff and the eccentric spinsters celebrating their triumph, which is rewarded with a huge donation to keep the police station open, plus an imminent Royal visit!


40-45 mins approx


(3m, 5f, 1m/f)

  • Inspector Allcock - 30+ (m)
  • Sergeant Pickles - 30+ (m)
  • Constable Cackett - 20+ (m)
  • Hilda - a pensioner
  • Myrtle - a pensioner
  • Dottie - a pensioner
  • Dolly - 30+, a cleaner
  • Miss Dixon-Beaver - 18+, tarty, girlfriend of the Inspector
  • Police Courier - any age, non-speaking role (m/f)

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