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Transylvanian Red

    by Phil Mansell


Comedic Drama Play Script: 'Transylvanian Red' by Phil Mansell

A comedy about relationships, unrequited love and the sometimes impossible search for a perfect partner. When happily married couple Will and Cathy entertain Felix, a neurotic friend who wants to introduce them to the latest in a long line of unsuitable girlfriends, they know the evening will probably not go well. Especially as the new girlfriend, Lucrezia - a mature student who creates weird works of conceptual art - drives a car that falls apart en route to the dinner party. Felix, who is a published poet, arrives early to prepare them for the shock of meeting Lucrezia but even he finds it hard to find the words to best describe her. 

Lucrezia is running late, mainly because she cant understand Felixs map but also because she stops off for a burger and fries. When she finally arrives she brings an abandoned supermarket trolley and assorted traffic cones (the ingredients for her latest artistic masterpiece). She makes it obvious from the start that although she is quite fond of Felix but really fancies Will. She also enjoys gulping down large quantities of her favourite Transylvanian red wine. This and her comments about buying a coffin to sleep in lead Will and Cathy to joke that she may be a vampire. Felix, meanwhile, realises that more than ever, he is secretly in love with Cathy, and that no-one else could match her least of all Lucrezia whom he accuses of having an affair with a one-legged cellist.

The evening does not go well. Lucrezia is oblivious to the fact that she has managed to upset the other three over dinner, mainly because of her flirting with Will and and her drinking means she has to rush to the loo. After Lucrezia makes a pass at Will, Cathy wants to get rid of them especially as she has promised Will a wild night of passion. When their guests go into the bathroom to inspect a vicious love bite that Lucrezia has inflicted on Felix, Cathy confronts Will whom she suspects of secretly fancying Lucrezia. They argue and fall out. When Lucrezia leaves (taking her abandoned supermarket trolley with her) Cathy, believing Felix has also left, puts on her sexiest underwear to make up with Will. When Felix sees the woman of his dreams in this attire he almost drops dead from a heart attack. Will has to calm him and Felix tells of his unrequited desire for Cathy. Will packs him off and he and Cathy are able to laugh about the evening. 


(2m, 2f)

  • Will - a teacher
  • Cathy - his partner, a graphic designer
  • Felix- ex-teacher, now owner of a book shop
  • Lucrezia - a mature student, specialising in installation art

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