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A Bird In The Bush

    by Ron Nicol


Comedy Play Script: 'A Bird In The Bush' by Ron Nicol

In a dark bedroom, Bernard is confronted by his daughter Kate, who thinks he’s burglar. Marjorie wakes and Kate returns to bed. Bernard has a stomach ache and rushes to the toilet. On his return Marjorie complains about the heat. Bernard fetches a portable fan, which he trips over, wakening their other daughter Jessica. Bernard goes to the toilet again, and Jessica tells Marjorie she’s doubtful about her forthcoming marriage to Malcolm because Bernard appears to be threatening towards him. Jessica leaves when Bernard returns, and Marjorie tells him about Jessica’s doubts. Bernard explains he’s taking a ‘man-to-man’ approach with Malcolm.

A pigeon starts cooing. Marjorie suggests earplugs, which don’t help. Bernard gets cramp, and Marjorie tries relieving his pain. Kate returns, Bernard goes to the toilet again, and Kate tells Marjorie her anxieties about her forthcoming exams. Jessica joins them, having been woken by Bernard, who leaves the three women and begins to noisily plane the bathroom door.

The girls leave the bedroom when Bernard returns. He trips over the fan and takes it away, crashing into something outside. Kate and Jessica return to the bedroom with a plate of sandwiches, and the three women discuss the pigeon, trying out various cooing sounds.

The cooing enrages Bernard, who leaves the house, determined to track the pigeon down. A dustbin is knocked over, and the next door neighbour phones to tell Marjorie he’s called the police because of an intruder. Jessica’s fiancé Malcolm arrives. He’s been responsible for knocking over the dustbin and has been pushed into a compost heap by Bernard, who has followed him. Following the explanations, Bernard leaves to deal with the pigeon, tripping over a cable on the way and fusing the lights.

In the darkness confusion reigns as shadowy figures chase and grapple with each other, until Kate replaces the fuse. Left alone, Bernard lets fly at the pigeon with a catapult, smashing the windscreen of the neighbour’s car. Finally, the police arrive.


45-50 mins approx


(2m, 3f)

  • Bernard
  • Marjorie - his wife
  • Kate - their younger daughter
  • Jessica - their elder daughter
  • Malcolm - Jessica’s fiancé

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