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Scoundrels And Stratagems

    by Ron Nicol

Synopsis

Comedy Play Script: 'Scoundrels And Stratagems' by Ron Nicol

When Squire Buzzard calls to see Lady Pinchbeck with a proposition, she believes he intends to marry her, but Buzzard’s intention is to propose to Pinchbeck’s step-daughter Prudence. Pinchbeck intends to dispose of her ward Charity to acquire her inheritance and asks housekeeper Lamprey for help.

Prudence rejects Buzzard’s proposal as she’s in love with Buzzard’s estate manager Gerald. Buzzard determines to discredit his rival, telling Sergeant Quickly that Gerald is embezzling money. Lamprey has been eavesdropping and suggests an alliance with Buzzard. Prudence overhears this, tells Gerald, and they decide to elope, meeting in the garden at midnight.

Lady Pinchbeck involves her slow-witted companion Gosling in her plans, and when Lamprey tells her she’s found someone to carry out the ‘disposal’ of Charity and introduces a heavily disguised Buzzard, the conspirators make their plans.

The plotters meet in the garden at midnight. Pinchbeck hands Charity over to Buzzard – but is spotted by Gerald. Prudence arrives with the news that Charity has disappeared. Quickly and Constable Muggins try to arrest Gerald, but he escapes. Lamprey instigates the arrest of Prudence, hoping that this will make Gerald give himself up.

The disguised Buzzard has taken Charity into the woods to ‘dispose’ of her, but she escapes. Quickly and Muggins have been suspicious and have not taken Prudence to prison. Charity finds them and explains what’s going on. When Buzzard arrives in pursuit of Charity, he’s arrested and taken to Pinchbeck Hall.

Quickly, Charity, Prudence, Muggins and the disguised Buzzard arrive at the Hall, but Pinchbeck pretends ignorance until Buzzard reveals all. Prudence outlines a solution to the problem which involves the arrest of nobody at all. Buzzard makes a grand speech and exits in fury, Lamprey is dismissed, the police depart and Prudence and Gerald plan for the future.

Duration
50 mins approx

Characters

(4m, 5f)
  • Lady Pinchbeck - a fast fading lady of the old school, accustomed to giving orders and standing for no insubordination
  • Lamprey - Pinchbeck’s housekeeper, a sinister creature dressed in black, deferential manner with a hint of insolence and a touch of menace
  • Squire Buzzard - lord of the manor, with a dark and ugly moustache which he frequently twirls, and a superior and overbearing manner, pronounces his name B’zard, but to his annoyance everybody still calls him Buzzard
  • Prudence - Lady Pinchbeck’s step-daughter, the heroine
  • Sergeant Quickly - experienced, honest, and shrewd, with a keen sense of justice and a nose for wrong-doing
  • Gerald Squire - Buzzard’s estate manager, the gallant hero
  • Gosling - Lady Pinchbeck’s companion, enthusiastic and easily confused
  • Charity - Lady Pinchbeck’s niece, the inocent heiress
  • Constable Muggins - well-meaning and eager to please
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