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Simon Cowell Is Coming To Tea

    by Christopher Owen


Comedy Play Script: 'Simon Cowell Is Coming To Tea' by Christopher Owen

‘Simon Cowell Is Coming To Tea ‘ is a one act comedy satirising and having fun with the greedy celebrity culture of today.

Fifty-year-old John’s window blinds business has gone bust. He blames cheap Chinese imports. He has to sell the family home. His very highly-strung wife Cynthia is distraught, won’t get rid of any of the house’s furnishings.

Their daughter Felicity is to be married in two weeks’ time to Lawrence, the son of the Bennets, a wealthy family, with money in insurance and investments. However, because John’s business has collapsed the very expensive and luxurious wedding that Felicity and her mother and, above all, the Bennets are expecting has now to be downgraded (wedding catering by Greggs, and a ‘standard’ marque!). Felicity and her mother are appalled. The Bennets will be affronted. Moreover, Felicity informs the family that Lawrence Bennet has invited celebrities to the wedding including Simon Cowell and George Clooney! John won’t budge; everything has to be done on the cheap.

Worse is to come: Their son (‘none-too-bright’) Roger has returned from Africa, to announce he is in debt to a dodgy investment company to the sum of £15,000. Failure to pay up could lead to Roger being beaten up. But there is no money with which to bail him out.

Felicity gets a text from Lawrence saying he’s bringing Simon Cowell over for tea, to meet them. Panic stations! Felicity and her mother Cynthia are in a terrible flap, what will they wear, what will they serve for tea? Felicity gets another text from Lawrence to say he can’t come to tea, as he has to attend an urgent business meeting, that Simon Cowell is coming on his own. It transpires Simon Cowell arrives but he is not the celebrated Simon Cowell of Britain’s Got Talent, but a local builder of the same name whom Lawrence had recommended to John regarding repairs to the roof. This Simon Cowell had an affair with John’s wife Cynthia when they were in their young twenties.

In all this confusion, it’s announced that the Bennet family business is in administration and Lawrence and his father have been arrested on charges of fraud. The doorbell rings. They all expect it to be the celebrated Simon Cowell. John goes to the door, returns to announce the arrival of George Clooney! (who does not appear) – pandemonium, much pre-entry celebrity worship!


45 mins approx


(3m, 2f)

  • John - early 60s, plain-speaking, businessman
  • Cynthia - early 60s, his wife, excitable and invariably anxious
  • Roger - early 40s, their son
  • Felicity - 30s, their daughter, celebrity enthusiast
  • Simon Cowell

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