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A Very Scottish Play

    by John Waterhouse


Comedy Play Script: 'A Very Scottish Play' by John Waterhouse

Terry, a highly stressed businessman, decides to go away with his wife for some rest and relaxation on a remote Scottish island. Soon after arriving, he discovers the idyllic looking cottage in the brochure is actually very uncomfortable and has a strange atmosphere. To make matters worse, Sid, the landlord, who is also the local undertaker, describes a host of natural hazards on the island, from sudden fog to quicksand and this is in addition to numerous dangers from local animals and insects.

Terry’s wife, Angela, is determined that they will enjoy their holiday and they venture off to a local pub, only to fall into bogs whilst a mysterious woman in black arrives and just stares at them. Sid believes that they have seen the ghost of the ‘dark lady’ and this is confirmed by Valerie, a curious clairvoyant who checks into the guest house that evening. The ghost is seen pointing at Terry and this is interpreted by Valerie as a warning. Then Gerald a flamboyant American film producer arrives looking for set locations, accompanied by his girlfriend Fenella. The old guesthouse is exactly what he needs for his latest film.

The ghost of the dark lady makes further appearances and Terry believes that his life is in danger. Sid knows of a reclusive medium called Gertie who lives on a remote island, who can exorcise the spirit that is tormenting Terry, for a fee. Gerald is fascinated in the ghostly background to the guesthouse and hopes to film the dark lady’s next appearance.

Valerie emerges as a lady of many talents and Gerald puts her in his film, finding her surprisingly athletic for a clairvoyant and arousing jealousy from Fenella, who is the star of the film.

Will Terry and Angela be freed from the attentions of the ghost? Is Valerie really just a clairvoyant writer? What is Sid really up to?  And why is this island the focus of paranormal activity?


(3m, 3f)

  • Terry Fusspot - 40s, a London businessman, on the edge of a nervous breakdown brought on by stress and overwork
  • Angela Fusspot - 40s, Terry’s wife, very much wears the trousers in the relationship, organised and determined
  • Sid Didler - 50s, the owner of a small Scottish guest house, originally from London, gregarious rogue always on the lookout for ways to make money or amorous encounters
  • Valerie Goodthighs - 30s, a bizarre and eccentric writer on the occult who either looks like a gypsy fortune teller or else is surprisingly at home in outdoors and sporting outfits
  • Gerald Grubenstein, the second - 50s, flamboyant film director from America who will let nothing stand in the way of his new film
  • Fenella Roberts - 30s, attractive young starlet who’s rise as a film actress is in no small way helped by the fact she is going out with Gerald Grubenstein

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